then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
