My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
