Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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