I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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