u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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