At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
