U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All I want is dick and wine.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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