Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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