i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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