1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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