I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
