Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
