we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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