My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
