when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
