I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
