i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
