either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think people are normalizing furries
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
