I just pynch a tree in the face
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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