I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
