I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
