apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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