i just google imaged poop.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize