I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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