we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
