The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
