I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He? As in you personified your dick?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
