i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
