how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
