is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
