Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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