i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
