True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
