The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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