i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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