She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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