We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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