i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
