I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my liver is dry heaving
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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