Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
