We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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