so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
