I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize