I'm so fucking centered right now
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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