in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
