I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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