I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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