So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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