what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
