yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
