so explain again why im purple
no
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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