Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just cropdusted the office
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
