I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize