i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
