i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
