I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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