One girl and one boy is just not enough.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
