Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize