Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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