dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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