My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
