Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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