i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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