Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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