I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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