I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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