it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
