I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
