You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
