As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
