long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just found a bag of teeth...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
