they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
