I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize