is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
